So, when is that communication between two adults just becomes two drums beating in a deafening storm? You’d think that with the added maturity, folks would be able to always find some middle ground from which to entangle the net of differences between them. But that neutral or middle ground almost impossible to find in way too many cases. It seems that when I get close, something pulls the carpet from beneath my feet (some past injustice or wound or perhaps just a falling back to more primitive defences). In most cases, I can maintain my cool, but in others the lid pops off. Where that line is drawn depends on the time of day, relative fatigue, and violence of the exchange itself.
Lots of friction is naturally generated from incompatible interests. If person A likes C and person B doesn’t see any worth in it, either person A has to give up or postpone B (and risk feeling resentful (D) for the deprival of B) or person C has to tolerate or ignore B (and thus feel resentful (E) for it’s imposition by person A). In every case, there is loss or resentment that is accumulated. Over several years, this clouds judgment and things get less rational. So perhaps it is more of a question for a shrink, but returning to my net analogy earlier, how does one untangle the various C (and corresponding F for person B of course), D and E? I can identify many elements of B (less of F) and feelings of D (less of E). But without opening the channels of communication, it is impossible to untangle without interacting with B. The risk of course being a rise of bile in B as memories of E are awakened and rise to the emotive surface.
Say a 3rd person intervenes. Even if that 3rd person is able to identify a few C and F, since they were not there when the interior operations D or E were carried out – and these certainly influenced by anterior D and E – how could that person even make realistic progress. In my experience, they inevitably walk on the toes of either A or B by implicitly taking a side in some (unknownst to him/her) C or F and triggering yet another reawakening of D or E. It seems almost hopeless. Like walking across a minefield in extrawide snowshoes blindfolded. There is no forward or backwards and it will all inevitably explode.
Is this the norm? Do we just try to suppress D and E with sports or alcohol or tabacco or nerd gear? Sorry for being a little depressing today but trying to work this out in my brain and hoping that writing it down might provide some kind of catharsis. Unfortunately, not yet.
Hmm, I’ll try to map these ideas into popplets and see where brainstorming gets me.